“GWARTV is now on the air. Forget all that Russian hype. GWARTV has given the Americans a real reason to fear foreign propaganda on our airwaves. This unfettered access that Antarctic rock gods GWAR have acquired through the ill-advised approval of their Roku subscription channel will soon have Congress and the FCC scrambling to reign in their menace. Yes, I Sleazy P. Martini no longer have to physically distribute chemicals to poison the public’s minds. Now through the miracle of internet steaming television and Roku, GWAR can poison minds by the millions across the world at the speed of light with the push of a button. Never has going legit been so bad and felt so good.
So what’s the plan Sleazy? First, get the sucker… er consumer in the door by getting him hooked on GWAR free TV with its sample gram…er programing featuring all aspects of GWAR. Then once the consumer needs more we bump him up to the prescript… er.. subscription GWARTV. Naturally this kind of voluntary self-destruction doesn’t happen with out some enticements. So, what does the consumer get for his money? Besides tons of live shows, music videos, interviews, and rare hard to find GWAR. Well first of all a year’s subscription is now at the special low price of only $29.95. All in all, a bargain even if you’re a bed ridden insomniac who manages to binge watch the entire channel in less than a month. But we’ll just keep pumping out more grams…programs so that the addictive…er predictive response is too keep coming back for more.
So what are you bohabs waiting for? Get yourself a Roku and rot your mind with the real sickness that you crave: GWARTV!
There, you’ve officially run out of excuses for not checking GWARTVout. So what are gawking at bohab? You have nothing to lose but your mind. Trust me, I’m Sleazy P. Martini. Would I steer you wrong?”